Practical Psychology for Everyday Life

Communication

5 Steps of Communication Process

1. Encoding
2. Channel

• Verbal – Language
• Para-language – Non-word sound, speed/pitch/volume
• Non-verbal – Gestures, Eye-contact, Facial expression

3. Message
4. Perceptual Filter

• Bias & Prejudice
• Noise
• Information load
• Ambiguous message
• Selection Attention (e.g. multi-tasking)
• Inattentional Blindness (paying attention to other things)

5. Decoding

1-way / 2-way communication

One-way Communication

• Pros: Fast
• Cons: unsure if message delivered well, less accurate, low confidence, more frustration to receiver

Two-way Communication

• Pros: more accurate, more cooperation, high confidence
• Cons: more time-consuming, more frustration to sender

5 levels of communication

• Level 1 – strangers – no real communication
• Level 2 – colleagues/classmates – reporting the facts about others
• Level 3 – casual friends – take the risk of telling judgment
• Level 4 – fairly intimate friends – honest, open, true personal encounter
• Level 5 – intimate friends – mutual sharing of various human emotions

Rumor

Rumor Formation

• Sharpening - amplified
• Leveling – de-emphasised
• Assimilation – some parts are filled in

5 General principles - Non-verbal Communication (65%)

• Multichannel – facial expressions, gestures, eye contact vocal tone, body lang
• Ambiguous – body language can be difficult to interpret
• Convey emotions
• Culture-bound – varies from culture to culture
• Contradict – say one thing but body convey different

7 Basic Emotions

• Happiness
• Surprise
• Fear
• Anger
• Sadness
• Disgust
• Contempt

3 Use of Facial expressions

• Intensifying – exaggerating an emotion
• Deintensifying – covering up real emotions
• Simulating – expressing emotions you do not really feel

Ego State Model (PAC model)

• Parent
• Adult
• Child

3 types of transaction

• Complementary Transaction – get expected response
• Ulterior Transaction – hidden message
• Cross Transaction – inappropriate ego state

LOVE

The Triangular Theory of Love

• Intimacy – closeness, bondedness, warmth
• Passion – sexual in nature
• Commitment – decide to continue the relationship

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

8 Types of LOVE

• Liking (intimacy alone)
• Infatuation/Infatuated Love (passion alone)
• Empty Love (commitment alone) – old couples
• Romantic Love (intimacy + passion) – does not last long
• Fatuous Love (passion + commitment) – Hollywood romance
• Companionate Love (intimacy + commitment) – long-term friendship
• Consummate Love (intimacy + passion + commitment)
• Non-Love (me) – not a loving relationship

6 Styles of Love (LAS)

• EROS – passionate love
• LUDUS – game-playing love, deception
• STORGE – friendship love
• PRAGMA – practical love
• AGAPE – unconditional love
• MANIA – possessive, dependent love (puppy love), uncertainty

4 Stages of Attachment

• Pre-attachment stage (0 – 8 weeks) – rapidly recognize mother
• Attachment in the making (2 – 8 months) – behave differently toward adults
• True attachment (8 – 18 months) – special adult as secure base
• Reciprocal Relationships (18 months on) – act as true partners

Measures of Attachment – Ainsworth’s Strange Situation Paradigm

• Child and mother in unfamiliar room filled with toys
• Mother leaves room
• Mother returns to room

4 Types of Attachment Style

• Secure – wants to be with mom upon return
• Avoidant – suppress desire to caregivers
• Resistant – remains upset after mom’s return
• Disorganized – reacts in contradictory ways

2 Factors determine quality of attachment

• Interaction between parents and babies
• Temperament (Temper)

3 Types of Attachment Theory of Love

• Secure – easy to get close to others
• Avoidant – difficult to trust completely
• Anxious-ambivalent – worry about partners not liking me

2 Factors determine adult attachment styles

• Attachment Anxiety - worries
• Attachment Avoidance - distrusts

Model of Adult Attachment

Attraction

3 Types of Choosing a mate

• Physical Attractiveness – prefer average faces and body because good health, genes

  • Waist-to-Hip ratio (0.70) – capable of reproducing healthy offspring
  • Social fitness – woman prefer men with good career prospect
  • Face feature 1 – both sexes admire large eyes and prominent cheekbones
  • Face feature 2 – male admire small nose and small chin of females
  • Face feature 3 – woman admire large chin of males because of dominance
  • Profile Picture – personality / personal space / interesting activities
  • Matching Hypothesis – people of similar attractiveness get together

• Similarity

  • Demographic chars – age, race, religion, socioeconomic, education
  • Physical attractiveness
  • Intelligence
  • Attitudes
  • Personality

• Proximity/Familiarity

  • Physical closeness (live / work / play nearby)
  • Mere Exposure Effect – more familiar, more like
  • Reciprocal Liking or Disliking – tend to like and dislike to ppl who like/dislike u

Marriage

6 Stages of Family Life Circle (Traditional Model of Marriage)

• Between Families – the unattached young adult
• Newly married couple – honeymoon (highest level of satisfaction)
• Family with Young children – birth of first child brings major transition and stress
• Family with Adolescent children – most difficult stage, lowest satisfaction
• Launching Children into the Adult World – greater satisfaction, empty nest
• The Family in Later Life – satisfaction climb up

4 Vulnerable Areas in Martial Adjustment

• Gaps in ROLE Expectations – women do household things and raise children
• Work and marital adjustment – stress at work have significant impact
• Financial Difficulties – financial worries -> hostility in husbands, depression in wives
• Communication Problem – the most frequent problem among divorce couples

5 Predictors of Marital Success

• Family background – ppl from divorced families will divorce
• Age – younger age marry = easy divorce
• Length of courtship – longer periods of courtship = marital success
• Personality – perfectionism and insecurity = marital problems
• Premarital Interaction – quality of premarital communication is crucial

9 ways to enhance marital satisfaction

• Solve problems together
• Have fun together
• Accept and tolerate individual differences
• More affective affirmation
• Develop empathy
• Good balance of time spent
• Satisfactory sexual relationship
• Mutual willingness to make adjustment
• Keep dating even after having children

Self-concept

4 Stages of Self-awareness

• Newborn babies – without a sense of self
• Baby (2 - 3 months) – aware with their own physical capabilities
• Infancy (9 - 12 months) – self-concept emerges, start to interact with mirror
• Infancy (18 - 24 months) – realize they are independent

As we aware of who we are, the self-concept is being gradually emerged

Self-concept

• The collection of beliefs about what kind of person you are.

4 Kinds of Self

• Actual/Private Self – real characteristics you actually have, internal mental image
• Ideal Self – ideal characteristics, the changes you would like to make in yourself
• Public Self – roles, images present to the world, influenced by social pressures
• Spiritual Self – the value and meaning you assign to life

Factors shaping self-concept

• Societal Influence
  • Media - Distorted self-observation
  • Feedback from peers / partners / parents / teachers
• Gender Stereotype
  • Act in culturally approved ways

3 Reason of Self-identity is important

• Main developmental goal of adolescence
• Enhances development of social roles
• Clear self-identity help develop healthy mental state

4 Areas of Identity Development

• Identity Achievement – commitment to person identity
• Identity Moratorium 暫停 – no commitment is made
• Identity Foreclosure – commitment based on conformity to values of others
• Identity Diffusion – undeveloped identity

Self-Consistency

• Congruence 一致
• Overlapping and similarity between different self-concepts
• Healthy mental state – higher self-esteem
• Fully functioning person – higher self-esteem to who positive self-concept

Self-Discrepancies

• Incongruence
• Conflict between different self-concepts
• Experiences not consistent with self-concept
• Give rise to the negative feelings of guilty, distressed, anxious

3 Strategies coping with self-discrepancies

• Adaptive Strategies

• Change behavior

• Set realistic goals

• Self-acceptance – accept what you can/cannot change

• Maladaptive Strategies (aims at lower self-awareness)

• Avoidance – reject to accept the truth

• Self-Immunization 自我免疫 – make the behavior seem less important

• Mnemonic Neglect 記憶忽視 – forget the negative feedback

• Defence Mechanism

• Denial – refuse to perceive

• Displacement – displace anger to a substitute target

• Identification – forming an imaginary or real alliance

• Projection – attributing one’s own thought to another person

Self Esteem

Self-Esteem

• Competence (James)

• Evaluation of success or failure

• Higher self-esteem for more similarity

• Worthiness (Rosenberg)

• Positive or negative attitudes towards self

• Attitude and feelings about one’s worth or value as a person

• Shaped by social and cultural forces

• Basic Human Needs (Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs)

• Lowest needs must be fulfilled before the next order (BSLES)

• Level 1 – Biological Needs (hunger and thirst)

• Level 2 – Safety Needs (avoid danger)

• Level 3 – Love and Belonging Needs (to love and to be loved)

• Level 4 – Esteem Needs (to be respected and admired)

• Level 5 – Self-Actualization Needs (fullest development)

• Most people stay at Level 3

• Developmental forces (Harter)

• An overall evaluation of person and the associated feelings of worth, happiness and satisfaction

4 Domains to Develop Self-Esteem

Affected by our experiences and perspective

1. Physical Attractiveness - handsome
2. Physical Abilities – sports, physical health
3. Cognitive Abilities – writing, math, science, logic
4. Social Relationship – social approval from parents

4 Types of Self-Esteem

Low Self-Esteem

• Insecure, anxious, depressed
• Self-critical / blaming
• Lack of confidence / initiative
• Conflict avoidance
• Pessimistic

High Self-Esteem

• Set challenging goals
• Secure identity
• Proud and confidence
• Optimistic

Narcissism

• Worthiness very high, unsupported by facts
• Competence < Self-perception
• Lack empathy and seen as arrogant
• Hostile and aggressive when experience threat
• Antisocial

Perfectionism

• Problem in accepting imperfections
• Overly defensive when being criticized
• Low self-esteem
• Full of self-doubt, self-critical and fears
• Needs and wishes to please others

2 Types of Social Comparison Theory

• Upward Comparison – suffer from negative self-concept
• Downward Comparison – resulted in arrogant, difficult to communicate

Factors Shaping Self-Esteem

• Birth Order – first born and only child tends to have higher self-esteem
• Demand – parental control
• Responsiveness – parental warmth

4 Parenting Styles

• Authoritative 權威 – demand, responsiveness high, self-esteem is high, ideal
• Authoritarian 專制 – demand high, responsiveness low, self-esteem is low
• Permissive 寬容 – demand low, responsiveness high, self-esteem is high (narcissism)
• Neglect/Uninvolved – demand, responsiveness low, self-esteem is low

4 Ways boosting up self-esteem (SWEM)

• Parental Support: Involvement – spend time with children
• Parental Warmth: Acceptance – encourage the child to explore the world
• Parental Expectations – clearly define expectation and limits
• Parental Modelling – behavior

6 Ways enhance Self-Esteem

• Live consciously – respect for facts
• Self-Acceptance – concentrate on strengths/weaknesses and take action
• Self-Responsibility – set realistic goals
• Self-Assertiveness – willing to stand up for yourself
• Live purposefully – make positive changes
• Personal integrity – behavior matches own internal standard

Self-Assertive

Assertive

• In-control but unresponsive
• You stand up for your right while others are not violated
• A win-win situation
• Express true feelings and do not allow others to take advantage of you

Aggressive

• In-control but responsive
• You express feelings without regard for other people’s right to be treated

Passive (non-assertive)

• Hide feelings
• Store up resentment and anger

4 Practices to become Assertive DESC

• Describe the issue
• Express your feeling
• Specify the desired change
• Consequences

Stress

2 Types of Responses to Stress

Psychological – Defense Mechanism

Physiological

• Mind becomes alert – make better decision
• Heart beat speeds up
• Sweating increases to help cool the body
• Muscles tense – ready for action
• Liver release sugar – provide quick energy
• Digestion slows down

Behavioral

• Fight-or-Flight response

  • Flight = attack, Flight = running away
  • Respond quickly to danger
  • Can disturb emotional functioning

• Tend-and-Befriend (for women)

  • Tend – nurturing behavior toward offspring, more calm and relax
  • Befriend – social affiliation, with similar others

3 Stages of Transactional (Cognitive) Model of Stress

• Primary Appraisal – evaluate the perceived stressor
• Secondary Appraisal – evaluate enough/inadequate resources to cope with stressor
• Interaction between Individual and Environment – coping strategies

12 Irrational Beliefs – Thinking Distortions

• Automatic thinking – negative inaccurate thoughts
• All-or-none thinking – things are seen as black and white
• Overgeneralization – a single negative event = pattern of defeat
• Mental Filter – only paying attention to failures
• Mind reading – assuming someone is responding negatively to you
• Fortune telling – predict things will turn negatively
• Emotional Reasoning – you reason from how you feel
• Magnification & Minimization – things seems bigger/smaller than they are
• Should Statement – you criticize yourself/other with should, must
• Personalization – assuming personal responsibility for something not responsible
• Blaming – accusing other people for the fault you cause
• Labelling – you identify with your shortcomings

ABC Model

A. Adversity – the situation
B. Belief – our explanation
C. Consequence – feelings and behavior that our belief causes

5 Steps change the irrational beliefs

• Become aware of them – watch yourself talk
• Examine the thought behind your rule – the rules imposed by who
• Talk it over with others – have people views on your rules
• Challenge the rules – look for alternative thinking
• Revise rules – substitute a reasonable and less harsh rule

External Source of Stress

• Significant Major life events – marriage, new baby, divorce, illness
• Work Stress – excessive workload, job loss
• Daily hassles – irritating and stressful daily events
• Catastrophic & Traumatic Event – rape, car crash, natural disasters
  • Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Internal Source of Stress

• External locus of control – blame other / misfortune, believe effort cannot change
• Internal locus of control – believe he/she has control over life
  • Strategies to develop Internal locus of control
  • Changing environment – increase feeling
  • Try new activities – feel better
  • Change self-talk – cannot -> can
  • Assuming more responsibility – volunteer to do things
  • Take action
• Type A Personality – obsessed with numbers, cannot cope with leisure time
• Type B Personality – never suffer from a sense of time urgency, play for fun and relax

Stress Management

Stress Management

• Meditation – free the mind of thought, control emotional responses

• Relaxation Response – slow breathing, e.g. prayers, rhythms of exercise, taichi

• Slow down pace of life

• Learn to control distressful thoughts – aware of negative thoughts

• First things first – better time management
  Private Victory

  • Be proactive
  • Begin with the end in mind – have a plan
  • Put first things first – work first then play
    Public Victory
  • Think win-win
  • Seek first to understand, then be understood
  • Synergize – together is better
    Reinforce other 6 habits
  • Sharpen the saw – balance feels

• Experience More Humor – reduce stress

• Improve problem-solving skills – problem-focused coping

• Improve the emotional well-being – positive thinking

• Relax, but get plenty of exercise – listen to music

• Seek out social support – support from close friends