Practical Psychology for Everyday Life
Communication
5 Steps of Communication Process
- Encoding
- Channel
- Verbal – Language
- Para-language – Non-word sound, speed/pitch/volume
- Non-verbal – Gestures, Eye-contact, Facial expression
- Message
- Perceptual Filter
- Bias & Prejudice
- Noise
- Information load
- Ambiguous message
- Selection Attention (e.g. multi-tasking)
- Inattentional Blindness (paying attention to other things)
- Decoding
1-way / 2-way communication
One-way Communication
- Pros: Fast
- Cons: unsure if message delivered well, less accurate, low confidence, more frustration to receiver
Two-way Communication
- Pros: more accurate, more cooperation, high confidence
- Cons: more time-consuming, more frustration to sender
5 levels of communication
- Level 1 – strangers – no real communication
- Level 2 – colleagues/classmates – reporting the facts about others
- Level 3 – casual friends – take the risk of telling judgment
- Level 4 – fairly intimate friends – honest, open, true personal encounter
- Level 5 – intimate friends – mutual sharing of various human emotions
Rumor
Rumor Formation
- Sharpening - amplified
- Leveling – de-emphasised
- Assimilation – some parts are filled in
5 General principles - Non-verbal Communication (65%)
- Multichannel – facial expressions, gestures, eye contact vocal tone, body lang
- Ambiguous – body language can be difficult to interpret
- Convey emotions
- Culture-bound – varies from culture to culture
- Contradict – say one thing but body convey different
7 Basic Emotions
- Happiness
- Surprise
- Fear
- Anger
- Sadness
- Disgust
- Contempt
3 Use of Facial expressions
- Intensifying – exaggerating an emotion
- Deintensifying – covering up real emotions
- Simulating – expressing emotions you do not really feel
Ego State Model (PAC model)
- Parent
- Adult
- Child
3 types of transaction
- Complementary Transaction – get expected response
- Ulterior Transaction – hidden message
- Cross Transaction – inappropriate ego state
LOVE
The Triangular Theory of Love
- Intimacy – closeness, bondedness, warmth
- Passion – sexual in nature
- Commitment – decide to continue the relationship
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
8 Types of LOVE
- Liking (intimacy alone)
- Infatuation/Infatuated Love (passion alone)
- Empty Love (commitment alone) – old couples
- Romantic Love (intimacy + passion) – does not last long
- Fatuous Love (passion + commitment) – Hollywood romance
- Companionate Love (intimacy + commitment) – long-term friendship
- Consummate Love (intimacy + passion + commitment)
- Non-Love (me) – not a loving relationship
6 Styles of Love (LAS)
- EROS – passionate love
- LUDUS – game-playing love, deception
- STORGE – friendship love
- PRAGMA – practical love
- AGAPE – unconditional love
- MANIA – possessive, dependent love (puppy love), uncertainty
4 Stages of Attachment
- Pre-attachment stage (0 – 8 weeks) – rapidly recognize mother
- Attachment in the making (2 – 8 months) – behave differently toward adults
- True attachment (8 – 18 months) – special adult as secure base
- Reciprocal Relationships (18 months on) – act as true partners
Measures of Attachment – Ainsworth’s Strange Situation Paradigm
- Child and mother in unfamiliar room filled with toys
- Mother leaves room
- Mother returns to room
4 Types of Attachment Style
- Secure – wants to be with mom upon return
- Avoidant – suppress desire to caregivers
- Resistant – remains upset after mom’s return
- Disorganized – reacts in contradictory ways
2 Factors determine quality of attachment
- Interaction between parents and babies
- Temperament (Temper)
3 Types of Attachment Theory of Love
- Secure – easy to get close to others
- Avoidant – difficult to trust completely
- Anxious-ambivalent – worry about partners not liking me
2 Factors determine adult attachment styles
- Attachment Anxiety - worries
- Attachment Avoidance - distrusts
Model of Adult Attachment
Attraction
3 Types of Choosing a mate
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Physical Attractiveness – prefer average faces and body because good health, genes
- Waist-to-Hip ratio (0.70) – capable of reproducing healthy offspring
- Social fitness – woman prefer men with good career prospect
- Face feature 1 – both sexes admire large eyes and prominent cheekbones
- Face feature 2 – male admire small nose and small chin of females
- Face feature 3 – woman admire large chin of males because of dominance
- Profile Picture – personality / personal space / interesting activities
- Matching Hypothesis – people of similar attractiveness get together
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Similarity
- Demographic chars – age, race, religion, socioeconomic, education
- Physical attractiveness
- Intelligence
- Attitudes
- Personality
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Proximity/Familiarity
- Physical closeness (live / work / play nearby)
- Mere Exposure Effect – more familiar, more like
- Reciprocal Liking or Disliking – tend to like and dislike to ppl who like/dislike u
Marriage
6 Stages of Family Life Circle (Traditional Model of Marriage)
- Between Families – the unattached young adult
- Newly married couple – honeymoon (highest level of satisfaction)
- Family with Young children – birth of first child brings major transition and stress
- Family with Adolescent children – most difficult stage, lowest satisfaction
- Launching Children into the Adult World – greater satisfaction, empty nest
- The Family in Later Life – satisfaction climb up
4 Vulnerable Areas in Martial Adjustment
- Gaps in ROLE Expectations – women do household things and raise children
- Work and marital adjustment – stress at work have significant impact
- Financial Difficulties – financial worries -> hostility in husbands, depression in wives
- Communication Problem – the most frequent problem among divorce couples
5 Predictors of Marital Success
- Family background – ppl from divorced families will divorce
- Age – younger age marry = easy divorce
- Length of courtship – longer periods of courtship = marital success
- Personality – perfectionism and insecurity = marital problems
- Premarital Interaction – quality of premarital communication is crucial
9 ways to enhance marital satisfaction
- Solve problems together
- Have fun together
- Accept and tolerate individual differences
- More affective affirmation
- Develop empathy
- Good balance of time spent
- Satisfactory sexual relationship
- Mutual willingness to make adjustment
- Keep dating even after having children
Self-concept
4 Stages of Self-awareness
- Newborn babies – without a sense of self
- Baby (2 - 3 months) – aware with their own physical capabilities
- Infancy (9 - 12 months) – self-concept emerges, start to interact with mirror
- Infancy (18 - 24 months) – realize they are independent
As we aware of who we are, the self-concept is being gradually emerged
Self-concept
- The collection of beliefs about what kind of person you are.
4 Kinds of Self
- Actual/Private Self – real characteristics you actually have, internal mental image
- Ideal Self – ideal characteristics, the changes you would like to make in yourself
- Public Self – roles, images present to the world, influenced by social pressures
- Spiritual Self – the value and meaning you assign to life
Factors shaping self-concept
- Societal Influence
- Media - Distorted self-observation
- Feedback from peers / partners / parents / teachers
- Gender Stereotype
- Act in culturally approved ways
3 Reason of Self-identity is important
- Main developmental goal of adolescence
- Enhances development of social roles
- Clear self-identity help develop healthy mental state
4 Areas of Identity Development
- Identity Achievement – commitment to person identity
- Identity Moratorium 暫停 – no commitment is made
- Identity Foreclosure – commitment based on conformity to values of others
- Identity Diffusion – undeveloped identity
Self-Consistency
- Congruence 一致
- Overlapping and similarity between different self-concepts
- Healthy mental state – higher self-esteem
- Fully functioning person – higher self-esteem to who positive self-concept
Self-Discrepancies
- Incongruence
- Conflict between different self-concepts
- Experiences not consistent with self-concept
- Give rise to the negative feelings of guilty, distressed, anxious
3 Strategies coping with self-discrepancies
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Adaptive Strategies
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Change behavior
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Set realistic goals
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Self-acceptance – accept what you can/cannot change
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Maladaptive Strategies (aims at lower self-awareness)
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Avoidance – reject to accept the truth
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Self-Immunization 自我免疫 – make the behavior seem less important
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Mnemonic Neglect 記憶忽視 – forget the negative feedback
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Defence Mechanism
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Denial – refuse to perceive
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Displacement – displace anger to a substitute target
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Identification – forming an imaginary or real alliance
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Projection – attributing one’s own thought to another person
Self Esteem
Self-Esteem
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Competence (James)
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Evaluation of success or failure
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Higher self-esteem for more similarity
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Worthiness (Rosenberg)
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Positive or negative attitudes towards self
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Attitude and feelings about one’s worth or value as a person
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Shaped by social and cultural forces
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Basic Human Needs (Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs)
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Lowest needs must be fulfilled before the next order (BSLES)
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Level 1 – Biological Needs (hunger and thirst)
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Level 2 – Safety Needs (avoid danger)
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Level 3 – Love and Belonging Needs (to love and to be loved)
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Level 4 – Esteem Needs (to be respected and admired)
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Level 5 – Self-Actualization Needs (fullest development)
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Most people stay at Level 3
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Developmental forces (Harter)
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An overall evaluation of person and the associated feelings of worth, happiness and satisfaction
4 Domains to Develop Self-Esteem
Affected by our experiences and perspective
- Physical Attractiveness - handsome
- Physical Abilities – sports, physical health
- Cognitive Abilities – writing, math, science, logic
- Social Relationship – social approval from parents
4 Types of Self-Esteem
Low Self-Esteem
- Insecure, anxious, depressed
- Self-critical / blaming
- Lack of confidence / initiative
- Conflict avoidance
- Pessimistic
High Self-Esteem
- Set challenging goals
- Secure identity
- Proud and confidence
- Optimistic
Narcissism
- Worthiness very high, unsupported by facts
- Competence < Self-perception
- Lack empathy and seen as arrogant
- Hostile and aggressive when experience threat
- Antisocial
Perfectionism
- Problem in accepting imperfections
- Overly defensive when being criticized
- Low self-esteem
- Full of self-doubt, self-critical and fears
- Needs and wishes to please others
2 Types of Social Comparison Theory
- Upward Comparison – suffer from negative self-concept
- Downward Comparison – resulted in arrogant, difficult to communicate
Factors Shaping Self-Esteem
- Birth Order – first born and only child tends to have higher self-esteem
- Demand – parental control
- Responsiveness – parental warmth
4 Parenting Styles
- Authoritative 權威 – demand, responsiveness high, self-esteem is high, ideal
- Authoritarian 專制 – demand high, responsiveness low, self-esteem is low
- Permissive 寬容 – demand low, responsiveness high, self-esteem is high (narcissism)
- Neglect/Uninvolved – demand, responsiveness low, self-esteem is low
4 Ways boosting up self-esteem (SWEM)
- Parental Support: Involvement – spend time with children
- Parental Warmth: Acceptance – encourage the child to explore the world
- Parental Expectations – clearly define expectation and limits
- Parental Modelling – behavior
6 Ways enhance Self-Esteem
- Live consciously – respect for facts
- Self-Acceptance – concentrate on strengths/weaknesses and take action
- Self-Responsibility – set realistic goals
- Self-Assertiveness – willing to stand up for yourself
- Live purposefully – make positive changes
- Personal integrity – behavior matches own internal standard
Self-Assertive
Assertive
- In-control but unresponsive
- You stand up for your right while others are not violated
- A win-win situation
- Express true feelings and do not allow others to take advantage of you
Aggressive
- In-control but responsive
- You express feelings without regard for other people’s right to be treated
Passive (non-assertive)
- Hide feelings
- Store up resentment and anger
4 Practices to become Assertive DESC
- Describe the issue
- Express your feeling
- Specify the desired change
- Consequences
Stress
2 Types of Responses to Stress
Psychological – Defense Mechanism
Physiological
- Mind becomes alert – make better decision
- Heart beat speeds up
- Sweating increases to help cool the body
- Muscles tense – ready for action
- Liver release sugar – provide quick energy
- Digestion slows down
Behavioral
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Fight-or-Flight response
- Flight = attack, Flight = running away
- Respond quickly to danger
- Can disturb emotional functioning
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Tend-and-Befriend (for women)
- Tend – nurturing behavior toward offspring, more calm and relax
- Befriend – social affiliation, with similar others
3 Stages of Transactional (Cognitive) Model of Stress
- Primary Appraisal – evaluate the perceived stressor
- Secondary Appraisal – evaluate enough/inadequate resources to cope with stressor
- Interaction between Individual and Environment – coping strategies
12 Irrational Beliefs – Thinking Distortions
- Automatic thinking – negative inaccurate thoughts
- All-or-none thinking – things are seen as black and white
- Overgeneralization – a single negative event = pattern of defeat
- Mental Filter – only paying attention to failures
- Mind reading – assuming someone is responding negatively to you
- Fortune telling – predict things will turn negatively
- Emotional Reasoning – you reason from how you feel
- Magnification & Minimization – things seems bigger/smaller than they are
- Should Statement – you criticize yourself/other with should, must
- Personalization – assuming personal responsibility for something not responsible
- Blaming – accusing other people for the fault you cause
- Labelling – you identify with your shortcomings
ABC Model
A. Adversity – the situation
B. Belief – our explanation
C. Consequence – feelings and behavior that our belief causes
5 Steps change the irrational beliefs
- Become aware of them – watch yourself talk
- Examine the thought behind your rule – the rules imposed by who
- Talk it over with others – have people views on your rules
- Challenge the rules – look for alternative thinking
- Revise rules – substitute a reasonable and less harsh rule
External Source of Stress
- Significant Major life events – marriage, new baby, divorce, illness
- Work Stress – excessive workload, job loss
- Daily hassles – irritating and stressful daily events
- Catastrophic & Traumatic Event – rape, car crash, natural disasters
- Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Internal Source of Stress
- External locus of control – blame other / misfortune, believe effort cannot change
- Internal locus of control – believe he/she has control over life
- Strategies to develop Internal locus of control
- Changing environment – increase feeling
- Try new activities – feel better
- Change self-talk – cannot -> can
- Assuming more responsibility – volunteer to do things
- Take action
- Type A Personality – obsessed with numbers, cannot cope with leisure time
- Type B Personality – never suffer from a sense of time urgency, play for fun and relax
Stress Management
Stress Management
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Meditation – free the mind of thought, control emotional responses
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Relaxation Response – slow breathing, e.g. prayers, rhythms of exercise, taichi
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Slow down pace of life
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Learn to control distressful thoughts – aware of negative thoughts
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First things first – better time management
Private Victory- Be proactive
- Begin with the end in mind – have a plan
- Put first things first – work first then play
Public Victory - Think win-win
- Seek first to understand, then be understood
- Synergize – together is better
Reinforce other 6 habits - Sharpen the saw – balance feels
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Experience More Humor – reduce stress
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Improve problem-solving skills – problem-focused coping
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Improve the emotional well-being – positive thinking
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Relax, but get plenty of exercise – listen to music
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Seek out social support – support from close friends